This past year has been a pretty steep learning curve in a lot of areas. So far in my sabbatical review series I have covered what I’ve learned about physical health. The second of my four life areas that I want to think about is mental health. Am I more healthy in my brain space than I was this time last year? It’s hard to tell. Its much more difficult to assess than physical health, for sure. It’s not something that I had ever given a great deal of thought before. I guess, looking back with 20/20 hindsight, I was in a tailspin this time last year.

Nothing in my life was turning  out the way I had anticipated that it might. I was in the midst of a series of situations that were causing me to ask questions about what I believed and why.

I was in a world of hurt because what I had considered to be my support structures tuned out to be the very thing causing the pain. That destabilised me and my life in a way that has sent be into some very black holes in the last 12 months.

Holes I really had no idea how to get out of.

I had experienced small pockets of unaccountable darkness in the past, but these ones lasted weeks and months at a time… and for the first time I had to learn how to deal with it…or risk getting stuck.

Some of it, I’m sure, was linked to what I chose to believe, and i found that I could manage those dark spots with prayer and scripture and lots and lots of writing. I guess some of that could have been dealt with by downloading on friends, but I didn’t feel like I had that option.

Other black holes, I think, were maybe chemical or biological. I found that I could clear the fog and darkness within minutes by engaging in exercise. Heavy weights and the hypnotic rhythm of running that allowed endorphin release would sooth my ills. I also discovered that these ones could be managed in the longer term by eliminating sugar and grains from my diet. Fascinating. Physical impacting mental. (Incidentally my sinus issues cleared once I eliminated sugar and grain too. I am convinced that sugar is evil. LOL)

All of these mental health management measures are being incorporated as habits to ensure an even and consistent countenance so far as it’s in my control. They are working for me at the moment.

However there is one element of my ongoing mental health that continues to plague me, and that needs to be worked on. A lot.

I have discovered that I am an acceptance junkie, and left unchecked, that addiction provides my inner and outer lives not only with a drug that feeds my ego like nothing else, but also with an unqualified destructive force that will destroy me in the end. This is one of my foci for the year ahead.

If I am to move forward and be the woman God designed me to be, I must deal with my addiction to acceptance and the value I derive from it. I’m finding that one tough going…its so ingrained…

In related items, I have had a difficult time turning my brain off at the end of the day and I have found it very difficult to take a full sabbath day each week. The rigors of family life make it almost impossible to take a full day …or even an hour or two to be completely alone. I have needed to develop strategies and mindsets that allow me to relax, recuperate and focus on God stuff when I have a moment to myself, all the while trying to carve out time to myself.

Alone.

Uninterrupted.

Attempting toy recover from the energy drain of work and family life where contact with people is essential.

Jesus experienced drain…he went out into the wilderness to be by himself and to pray and recuperate and escape from the company of other people. Often he just needed to be alone.

I used to subscribe to the cult of busy is better…no more. Busy is not more spiritual, busy is destructive. I need balance…but I’m not sure that the perfect balance exists. Designing a life that balances the inner life with the outer life is a skill I continue to pursue.

Do you actively manage your mental health?

It’s almost election day here in Australia, and the Greens have been getting a fair bit of attention this time round. It has made me think about conservation and global warming and what my responsibility as a Jesus follower is in relation to caring for the planet. And then I got to thinking about what God’s original plan might have been….

… and the thought crossed my mind that  if Adam and Eve had never sinned we would quite possibly all be wandering around naked in a garden talking to God.

Sounds kinda hippy

What do you think the planet might have looked like had the entrance of sin never started the degradation process?

Ellen DeGeneres said this:

I really don’t think I need buns of steel. I’d be happy with buns of cinnamon.

I used to swing desperately between craving buns of steel and craving buns of cinnamon.

Usually the cinnamon buns won.

Photo credit: LeoSynapse

I’d like to think that this year I’ve come to some sort of middle ground. I don’t want buns of steel for the sake of having them and the sense of achievement that it would inevitably provide. Nor do I want to be a slave to sugar any longer. Jumping for a fix any time I thought that it needed it, and killing my body slowly. Controlled by it.

I have come to believe that unless I am as healthy as I can possibly be (given my current circumstances) I am not fulfilling my spiritual purpose to the best of my ability. By giving in to sugar cravings and sitting on my butt instead of moving it, I am allowing immediate personal gratification have a negative effect on my kingdom impact.

This includes how I fuel my body, how I move my body, and how I rest my body all in balance. For me, it’s a stewardship issue. God gave me something. I have to look after it, invest in it, make sure He gets a return on investment.

I have also discovered this year that what I choose to eat has a very distinct and noticeable affect on my body function and my mental state. I now know that I can use exercise to regulate mood swings and disperse the dark clouds that inevitably come.

If I eat poorly (refined foods) and fail to move my body (to keep it healthy and remove toxins), if I refuse to take time to rest and recuperate because I garner my value from people praising my busyness, I am sabotaging myself and my ministry. I am setting up convenient barriers that I can use to hide behind and as an excuse not to fulfil my purpose in life.

It’s just easier that way.

In the short term.

In the long term it would kill me.

It would make my life miserable — filled with stress and a laundry list of completely unnecessary ailments. It might prevent me from meeting my grandchildren. It might prevent me from growing old with my husband. It would definitely rob me of the energy required to pour my life into other people. It would shrink my world and reinforce the focus on myself that got me into that predicament in the first place.

My physical self is not disconnected from spiritual self, they are part of the same whole…and like it or not the world judges our spiritual discipline by our physical discipline too. They think perhaps that this God we worship isn’t too great if we can’t even be bother obeying the command to view our body as a temple, to honour God. (it’s amazing how much of the bible these people actually know) And they move on.

I believe very strongly that thinking about the physical body cannot and should not be separated from the spiritual aspects of life — the soul, the mind, the spirit — the Stoics believed the body was bad…that’s not what God said. He created man (generic term) and said that it was VERY GOOD … there was no qualification on that statement. But still that type of thinking persists in the church…that the body is bad and sinful and should be separated and ignored. I don’t think that’s a biblical approach.

Looking forward and maintaining this momentum, I want to give my physical vehicle the best opportunity to thrive, and  I still have a lot of temple renovation work to do after neglecting and abusing it for years. It’s hard work, but I’m learning. Continually learning. Continually adjusting.

My sabbatical has taught me that maintaining physical health (within our inherited limitations) is as much a spiritual discipline as prayer.

What do you think?

To get the background on why I took a sabbatical year, and read about what I hoped to discover, start HERE and follow the series via the list at the top of each post.

This past year and a bit I have been looking at my life through the lens of developing a holistic approach to life thanks to the insights gained through Anne Jackson’s book – Mad Church Disease.

She proposes that there are four interrelated aspects of life that need to be healthy for a sustainable ministry and a rich and rewarding life with God:

• Physical health
• Mental health
• Relational health
• Spiritual health

I was skeptical at first (that’s pretty normal when you are as low as I was), but it became very clear over the course of my sabbatical just how entwined these parts of life are. They each impact the others. They inseparable.

They are all tied to what I choose to believe about God.

Everything I believe about these four aspects of my life is born out of what I understand about God and how I am related to him.

EVERY action for the WHOLE of my life is shaped by what I choose to believe…therefore I must know what I believe, and in order to make decisions against these beliefs and have them “stick” I need to understand why I believe these things. Obviously this is a huge and ever-evolving undertaking. (side-note: if anyone tells you they have got their ducks in a line when it comes to theology…run…it’s not true…God is so immense that no-one can claim that they have their theology 100% correct. Beware of dogmatism.)

As much as they are all tied together and interact, I learned some lessons specific to each of these areas too. I’ll be posting about those discoveries in the next couple of weeks.

The most enduring and recurrent themes that visited time after time in each of the areas of my life were the need to simplify, to rest, and to share. The need to simplify my life in order to make space for God’s purposes was a big one and is feeling like the most urgent. There is too much clutter and too many stressors that I am allowing to have power over me. They must go. How?….that’s the hard bit, and that will be my challenge for the year ahead I think.

That, and continuing the healing process…but as I said in my last post, I am beginning to feel the healing warmth of God’s sunlight on my face and hope and excitement is returning. God has got great plans for my life and the people around me! Time to get on with it!

Wait! One last general thing that I learned is that I’m not going to wait until I hit crisis point before I take a sabbatical year…I’m going to schedule the next one and avoid the crash . That’s the plan anyway.

Next up….what I learned about physical health.

Have you ever taken an extended time out from serving in an official capacity? How did it impact your personal growth and subsequent usefulness to the kingdom?

photo credit – jsnflo

Last June I wrote this post about heading into a time of apparent Winter in my spiritual walk. I was nervous and apprehensive about what the future held, and I took steps to remove myself from all church entanglements. The last year or so has been a cold and lonely path, and sometimes I wondered if I would ever pull out of the deep pain and aloneness. But I have grown more deeply and more rapidly on a spiritual plane than I have ever done in my entire life during this season.

Now I am beginning to feel the sun on my face as a new season dawns in my life. I can sense buds of new life waiting to burst out and bring the bare tree into full bloom!

I have so much to share about what I have learned about myself and about God during my adventure! Some deep heart surgery has happened and the healing process is coming along nicely. I have a renewed passion for serving and for encouraging people to take an all encompassing approach to life with Jesus. I am keen to take risks and ride out the ups and downs of life with a fresh focus and energy.  God is faithful and this life with him is exciting!