I woke up this morning feeling a bit out of sorts. I felt bummed about being at the tail end of my holidays, my body was sore after a mountain bike outing, and to top it all off I hadn’t slept well. I felt apathetic and lethargic. BLERG.

I don’t like feeling that way, so I decided to take a proactive approach to rewriting my “script” for the day. I thought about going for a run to blow out the cobwebs, but it was hot out and I thought better of it. Then Nancy Missler’s words came to me:

Private worship is the key to joy

I felt anything but joyful. So I listened to that little bit of a prompt and got my materials together and engaged in some art-based worship. Here’s the result (click for a larger view)

Here’s how you you can use private worship to bring joy to your life:

1. Gather the things you will need to engage in private worship (can be art related, recorded music, candles, instruments, clear a space to dance etc, whatever helps you connect.).
2. Find a quiet spot where you won’t be interrupted for half an hour or so.
3. Spend a couple of moments in confession and getting ready to worship (Psalm 24:3-4).
4. Using whatever method you have chosen, focus completely on God and his attributes, what he has done for you, what he requires of you. Perhaps you need to just let all of your anger, sorrow and frustrations tumble out and know that God is listening (check out the Psalms, David did this a lot.)
5. Make sure you allow times of mental quietness to allow God to speak to you.

I find that connecting with God in this way brings me much needed perspective. It brings me peace and restfulness that I can find nowhere else. It reminds me that God is absolutely worthy of this kind of connection on a much more regular basis…not just when *I* need something. And yet God is gracious to sooth an antsy spirit.

Question: Do you engage in private worship?

I have used guided labyrinth meditations quite a lot during the last eight months or so, and prayed, and read. They have all been beneficial, but yet I have still been struggling with how to be “still” and know that He is God. I have trouble sitting still at the best of times, and my brain seems to like to take off on all manner of cognitive tangents when I try to concentrate on God stuff. It seems I’m not the only one who has this problem though…

This morning I found this brilliant blog post called “Meditation for (Christian) Dummies” by Bradley J Moore on his Shrinking the Camel blog. The post gives some very practical guidance for meditation, and it also gives a great description of how you can have God involved in every part of your life and not come off sounding like a super spiritual nut job.

It’s a great read…why don’t you pop over.

Have you ever tried this type of meditation?

The adventure that God launched me on mid-last year is rolling on, and I continue to be restored and transformed as I step out on to the next little patch of life that is lit up for me. This past week has brought the next step into focus.

Over the last couple of years I have become increasingly cynical about church, and some days Christians in general. More often than not, in my mind at least, there is a serious disconnect between the way Jesus acted and the way his followers act (including myself), and this has been a serious sticking point for me since part of the reason for Jesus’ presence on earth was to show us how to live.

It makes me ask serious questions about the reality of this whole religious system I’ve been a part of for 30 years, not to mention the infighting, denominationalism, and hundreds of years worth of war and abuse conducted in the name of God and the church. To the casual onlooker, and even some hardened pew sitters, it’s not hard to see that the church isn’t doing God any favours.

Don’t get me wrong…I love God…just having a hard time with the history and religion attached to him. I am so grateful to God for his ever present Comforter to guide and bring peace during these dark and disturbing times of my walk.

In the last month or so I’ve started to study, as part of my year-long focus, who Jesus is, what his life was like, how he interacted with others, what was important to him etc. My plan is to immerse myself in the Gospels this year in my private study. I am thirsty for the real deal….I have a yearning to be able to stand on solid rock after feeling like I’ve been adrift.

The New Testament refers to the body of believers (i.e. the Church) as the bride of Christ, and it speaks of Jesus, the groom, returning for her at some time in the future. For me the thought of a bride and groom on their wedding day is usually a happy one, a loving one, a picture of a relationship where the two parties cherish each other. If God cherishes the body of believers in the same way a groom cherishes his bride even though she is falling far short, what business do I have thinking of her in any other way?  This realisation has started a thought process that requires purposeful examination and work to expose why this cynicism  has developed and to allow the transformation to begin in my life.

Here’s a summary of why I need to cast off the cynicism and learn to love God’s dysfunctional bride again:

1. God loves her – The bride of Christ might not be doing a great job of emulating Jesus, but the fact of the matter is that God loved her to the point where he sent his Son to provide a way for her to be restored. God loves his dysfunctional bride and so must I.
2. She is NEVER going to be perfect – It feels like a cop out to throw my hands up in the air and stop expecting the church to act like Jesus. The thing is though, that I can’t control how the church acts. What I can control is how I act. In the words of Gandhi, my challenge for this year is to be the change I want to see…and let God do the rest.
3. God has a plan to use the church – The chief purpose of the church is to spread the good news about Jesus, to be His arms and legs to the world, and to provide an environment where believers can grow and spur each other on to action for His sake. I can’t be a follower of Jesus and not be a part of that….whether that be in institutional church or organic church, or wherever he chooses to use me. The body of believers must all work together in order to succeed in the task we’ve been given.
4. God works in spite of his dysfunctional bride – The fact of the matter is that I’m where I am now because I was part of the church. Around the world lives are being changed and restored by God through the church even though the world seems to identify her as a liability and threat rather than the beacon of love that she is intended to be. I would rather be working with God rather than against him.

I don’t know how this is going to work yet. It would be easy for me to hide, to closet myself away and just focus on getting to know Jesus. It would not only be the easy way to go, it would also be the lonely way to go, the whole point of following Jesus is that we are to exist as a community of Jesus-followers, staying away would rob me of the opportunity to stretch and grow and an entirely different dimension.  I also don’t know how to get rid of the cynicism at this point. I guess that will be part of the adventure too, as will trusting God to provide fellow travellers who are on the same path. One step at a time.

Have you ever had a time in your life where you haven’t been able to see God for the church? How did you shift your focus?

God had some pretty direct words for me at church this morning. Check it out. (click to enlarge)

What did God say to you today?

Nineteen years ago today we were married in the gardens of Lanyon Homestead. It was a hot mid-Summer day not unlike today is shaping up to be. I remember being excited and nervous…and worried about fainting in the heat under my very heavy dress. (wow, we look like babies in this photo!) Now, all these years later we joke about being glad we don’t have to go through the whole wedding thing again.

Early on in our marriage I received a great piece of wisdom from pastor friend John Laughlin about what men and women need most in marriage, and this gem has been a guiding light throughout our lives together. John told me this:

What men need most in marriage is peace, and what women need most most is security.

Everything else flows from these truisms.

We’ve had a wonderful life together so far. We’ve had our share of ups and downs….every couple has their good times and their bad times…if they tell you otherwise they are lying…but it’s the bad times that make the good times shine like beacons and help us appreciate each other. They are normal, natural, and awesome opportunities for growth and grace in your life.

Every day I thank God that He gave me Al to be my husband. Love you babe!

What is the best piece of relationship advice you’ve ever been given?